Category: Uncategorized

Change your thinking with Neuroplasticity, NLP, and CBT

It’s about the science

Breakups can be tough. Losing your job can be tough. Life can be tough. They often leave us feeling lost, hurt, and uncertain about the future. But amidst the emotional turmoil, there’s an opportunity for profound personal growth and reinvention. By leveraging the principles of neuroplasticity, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can not only recover but thrive post-trauma. Here’s how.

Understanding Neuroplasticity: Rewiring Your Brain

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. This means that even after a painful breakup, your brain has the capacity to heal and adapt. You literally can become your thoughts. we would recommend a book called Your Mental Mess by Dr Caroline Leaf which gives practical advise on how to rewire your brain in 5 steps over 2 months.

Essentially your emotions produce chemicals (like cortisal) which is the human flight or fight response to protect yourself and the brain will pull on previous memories related to the emotion (i.e betrayal, abandonment, jealousy etc) so when the body and mind is emotional you will reinforce thinking around situations and people which are not necessarily related to the current circumstances or individuals. This also impacts cognitive dissonance where you feel something from the past memory but it no longer aligns to who you really are now and can cause disruptive emotions. The key is to take yourself out of your emotional state, think on situations rationally and reframe them in your mind consciously and proactively.

Here are some strategies to harness the power of neuroplasticity:

Engage in New Activities

- Learn Something New: Pick up a new hobby, learn a language, or start a new sport. This stimulates your brain to form new connections and shift focus away from the past. Generally, you won’t dwell on the past if you are looking to the future.

- Physical Exercise: Regular physical activity increases the production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein that supports neuron growth and function. Seems common sense but did you know exercise actually grows your brain to be a new you. Not to mention pumping your body full of dopamine, detoxification agents and seratonin. Same with saunas and cold water. It will make you feel good, literally, via chemicals.

- Make time for positive thinking : Change your mindset by changing who and how you talk about things and yourself. Think about how you want your life to be next time when you are not sad, angry or feeling hurt. The reality is depression is enhanced by ruminating on the past so work in the solution space. Build for the future.

Mindfulness and Meditation

- Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness and meditation helps in reducing stress and promotes emotional regulation by encouraging you to focus on the present moment and learn to be comfortable with your thoughts – it’s not easy to sit with your own mind – studies showed that people would rather apply an electric shock to themselves than sit on their own for 15 minutes with no distractions. Much of human behaviour is born with not being comfortable being on your own – so learn to do this. Start with walking on your own. Then move to daily sitting in silence for 15 minutes.

- Gratitude Journaling: Writing down things you’re grateful for can rewire your brain to focus on positive experiences and emotions.

- Learn to not be constantly distracted : This enables uncomfortable feelings to surface so YES spend time on your own to grow away from constant pleasure seeking and distractions

Harnessing NLP: Changing Thought Patterns

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a psychological approach that involves analyzing and modifying how you think, behave, and communicate. Here’s how NLP can help you thrive :

Reframe Negative Thoughts

- Positive Reframes: Whenever a negative thought about the breakup arises, consciously reframe it into something positive. For example, instead of thinking, “I’ll never find love again,” reframe it to, “This is an opportunity to find someone who truly matches my values and goals.”

Anchoring Positive States

- Create Positive Anchors: Use specific physical actions (like touching your thumb and forefinger together) when you’re feeling happy or confident. Later, use this anchor to evoke those positive states when you’re feeling down.

Visualization Techniques

- Future Pacing: Visualize a positive future where you have moved past the breakup and are thriving. This technique helps in setting a mental blueprint for your brain to follow.

Applying CBT: Challenging and Changing Beliefs

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a well-established method for changing unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors. Here’s how to apply CBT techniques post-breakup:

Identify and Challenge Cognitive Distortions

- Spot Distortions: Be aware of common cognitive distortions such as all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, and catastrophizing.

- Challenge Them: When you notice these distortions, challenge them by asking yourself questions like, “Is this thought really true?” and “What evidence do I have to support this thought?”

Behavioral Activation

- Stay Active: Engage in activities that you used to enjoy or find new ones that interest you. This not only distracts from negative thoughts but also boosts your mood.

Set Realistic Goals

- Short-Term Goals: Set achievable short-term goals that can provide a sense of accomplishment. This could be anything from exercising three times a week to completing a project at work.

- Long-Term Goals: Think about where you want to be in a year or five years. Break these long-term goals into smaller, manageable steps.

Reinvesting in Yourself

Physical Health

- Nutrition: Eat a balanced diet to support overall well-being.

- Sleep: Ensure you’re getting enough quality sleep to help your body and mind recover.

Emotional Health

- Therapy and Counseling: Consider talking to a therapist who can guide you through your emotions and help you develop coping strategies.

- Support Networks: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can provide comfort and perspective.

Personal Growth

- Continuous Learning: Invest time in learning new skills, reading books, or taking courses that interest you.

- Set New Personal Goals: Whether it’s traveling, advancing in your career, or developing a new talent, setting goals can give you a sense of direction and purpose.

Conclusion

A breakup, while painful, is also a chance to reinvent yourself and grow. By understanding and applying the principles of neuroplasticity, NLP, and CBT, you can reshape your thoughts, behaviors, and ultimately, your life. Focus on new activities, challenge negative thoughts, and set achievable goals. Remember, this is not just about surviving a breakup—it’s about thriving and becoming the best version of yoursel

mens mental health blog mens neuroplasticity

Navigating the Silent Struggle: Unravelling the Mental Health Challenges Faced by Men in the UK

So what’s going on?

In the realm of mental health, an alarming trend has emerged in the United Kingdom, shedding light on a pressing issue that often goes unnoticed—the disproportionate prevalence of mental health problems among men, leading to higher rates of suicide. Men make up nearly 70% of suicides and it’s the biggest killer of men under 40. While mental health affects individuals of all genders, the statistics indicate that men face unique challenges that contribute to their increased vulnerability. So what are the factors contributing to men’s mental health struggle? How so we explore the importance of addressing self-sabotage, fostering effective communication, embracing vulnerability, and cultivating healthy habits to promote emotional well-being.

The Silent Struggle:

The stigma surrounding mental health is pervasive, affecting both men and women. However, societal expectations and traditional gender norms often pressure men to conform to stoicism, strength, and independence, discouraging them from expressing vulnerability or seeking help when needed. This societal pressure can lead to a culture of silence, where men may internalize their struggles, exacerbating the impact of mental health issues. Watch this excellent video on recognising you might be depressed or suffering with your mental health by the World Health Authority (WHO) here

Understanding Self-Sabotage:

Self-sabotage is a common yet often overlooked aspect of mental health. Men may find themselves trapped in cycles of destructive behaviours or negative thought patterns, hindering their overall well-being. Identifying these self-sabotaging tendencies is crucial for breaking the cycle. Encouraging men to recognize their patterns, seek professional help, and adopt healthier coping mechanisms can be pivotal in reclaiming control over their mental health.

Watch our discussion on self sabotage here

Communication Breakdown:

Effective communication is fundamental to mental health, yet men may struggle to express their emotions due to societal expectations. Encouraging open and honest conversations about mental health is crucial in breaking down these barriers. Friends, family, and colleagues can play an essential role by creating a supportive environment where men feel comfortable sharing their experiences without fear of judgment. Additionally, promoting mental health awareness campaigns can contribute to dismantling the stigma surrounding seeking help.

Embracing Vulnerability:

Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but rather a testament to courage and authenticity. Men need to recognize that embracing vulnerability is an essential component of mental health. Encouraging self-reflection and creating safe spaces where men can express their feelings fosters a sense of connection and belonging, mitigating the isolation that often accompanies mental health struggles. Like any habit, it’s often easier to be communicative and vulnerable once you just start so try and admit you seek change or need to improve both to people you trust or professionals. There is great strength in this and people will admire you and support you ! Often it’s all in our minds that we are failures, will be embarrassed or somehow afraid of dropping our mask. The shadows we carry are often removed once exposed to the light of other people and our own truth.

Cultivating Healthy Habits:

Physical and mental health are intricately connected. Studies shows exercise raises dopamine and endorphins that improves mood. Adopting healthy lifestyle habits, such as regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and sufficient sleep, reducing alcohol and drugs, can significantly impact mental and mind well-being. Engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfilment, whether it be hobbies, social interactions, or mindfulness practices, can serve as powerful tools in managing stress and promoting mental resilience. Don’t fear trying new practises that reset the nervous system – like cold water therapy, saunas, breathwork, varied and different forms of regular exercise, joining men’s sharing circles and attending retreats tailored for men can really rebalance your natural tendencies to spiral into overthinking negative loops.

Conclusion:

Addressing the mental health challenges faced by men in the UK requires a multifaceted approach that encompasses societal change, open communication, and the cultivation of healthy habits. By breaking the silence surrounding mental health, challenging traditional gender norms, and fostering environments that prioritize vulnerability and support, we can pave the way for a more inclusive and compassionate society. Together, we can dismantle the barriers that contribute to the alarming rates of suicide among men and work towards a future where mental well-being knows no gender. So if you are struggling reach out to loved ones or professionals. You can find a list of UK therapists here

If you would like to discuss any aspect of your mind health and steps to improve drop Ed or Mark a line in the contact us section and we can jump on a call for an hour to discuss tailored coaching.

How do you rebuild trust once a partner cheats?

How do build trust in a relationship if one partner has cheated

Rebuilding trust in a relationship after infidelity can be a traumatic, challenging and complex process. Most people’s default is to throw the towel in. It requires commitment, effort, and open communication from both partners to move through infidelity. What is often difficult is understanding that there are two sides to the issue, and despite contrary opinion, people who are unfaithful probably are unhappy in your relationship or with themselves and whilst it’s absolutely the wrong way forward to ever use it as an excuse, and very rarely is it, there are usually reasons people are self sabotaging and being unfaithful is one of those ways.

It is entirely valid to end a relationship because of it, but, at least consider the full picture before you decide. Have you ever considered being unfaithful? Is it because your relationship has failed? Is your behaviour partly responsible for your partner feeling they need attention elsewhere? Would it have been better for them just to end it? All valid question which few people honestly address. If you do decide to give it another go…………..

Here are some steps that can help in building trust again

Take responsibility: The partner who cheated must take full responsibility for their actions and show genuine remorse. They need to acknowledge the pain they caused and be willing to make amends. This will probably also mean that individual getting solo therapy and examining why they decided to cheat when they should have communicated or indeed what’s driving then to seek attention elsewhere. Is it self sabotaging the relationship? Do they have insecurity issues? Why didn’t they just end the relationship? Are they arrogant and egotistical? Is this a pattern? Maybe they were bored and trapped and saw this as a bit of a distraction? None of this excuses it. Ultimately it’s probably not a reflection of you or the relationship but issues they have with themselves. They need to embrace change and do some work with or without you (if they want a committed relationship)
Open and honest communication: Both partners need to engage in open, honest, and non-defensive communication. The betrayed partner should be allowed to express their emotions, ask questions, and seek reassurance. The cheating partner should be transparent and willing to answer honestly.
Seek professional help: Consider seeking the assistance of a couples therapist or counselor who specializes in infidelity. A professional can guide both partners through the healing process, provide tools for communication, and help navigate difficult emotions
Establish boundaries and agreements: Rebuilding trust often involves setting clear boundaries and agreements for the future. These boundaries should be mutually agreed upon and help both partners feel secure. The cheating partner should be willing to be accountable and respectful of these boundaries.
Allow time for healing: Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. Both partners need to understand that healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s essential to be patient, supportive, and give each other the necessary space to heal and rebuild the relationship.
Consistency and reliability: The partner who cheated needs to demonstrate consistency in their words and actions. They must follow through on their promises, be reliable, and rebuild trust gradually over time. Consistency is key in showing the betrayed partner that they can rely on their partner again
Forgiveness and letting go: Forgiveness is a personal choice and may take time. The betrayed partner should be allowed to process their emotions and work towards forgiveness at their own pace. The cheating partner should be patient and understanding during this process
Rebuilding intimacy: Rebuilding trust also involves reestablishing emotional and physical intimacy. Both partners need to work on rebuilding their connection and intimacy through shared activities, quality time, and affection.

Remember, rebuilding trust is a joint effort, and both partners need to be committed to the process. It’s crucial to assess whether both partners are willing to invest in the necessary work to rebuild the relationship and whether it’s a healthy choice for both individuals involved. It may be best to call it a day, and the might have been the reality before the cheating anyhows.

cheating how to heal from cheating my partner has been unfaithful

Cold Water Immersion: Exploring the Surprising Link to Dopamine Release

Introduction: Cold water immersion, also known as cold water therapy or cold showers, has gained significant attention in recent years due to its potential health benefits. While the idea of exposing oneself to icy water may seem daunting, emerging research suggests that cold water immersion can offer numerous advantages, both physical and mental. In this blog post, we will delve into the science behind cold water immersion, its effects on the body, and its intriguing relationship with dopamine—the brain’s “feel-good” neurotransmitter.

The Physiology of Cold Water Immersion: When you expose your body to cold water, a series of physiological responses take place. Initially, the cold temperature causes blood vessels in the skin to constrict, redirecting blood flow to vital organs to maintain core temperature. As a result, the body experiences a surge in heart rate, breathing rate, and metabolic activity.

Studies on Cold Water Immersion: Several studies have examined the effects of cold water immersion on various aspects of human health. Here are a few notable findings:

Improved Recovery and Reduced Muscle Soreness: Cold water immersion has been commonly used by athletes as a recovery strategy. A study published in the Journal of Science and Medicine in Sport found that cold water immersion significantly reduced muscle soreness and improved recovery following intense exercise. The cold temperature helps reduce inflammation and decrease tissue damage, allowing athletes to bounce back quicker.
Enhanced Mood and Mental Well-being: Taking cold showers may have an unexpected positive impact on mental health. Research published in Medical Hypotheses suggests that exposure to cold water stimulates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers the release of endorphins, which are known to improve mood and alleviate symptoms of depression.

Dopamine and its Role in Cold Water Immersion: Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, reward, motivation, and overall well-being. It plays a crucial role in the brain’s reward pathway and is linked to feelings of satisfaction and happiness. Interestingly, recent studies have explored the connection between cold water immersion and dopamine release.

Increased Dopamine Receptors: A study conducted by Finnish researchers at the University of Helsinki discovered that repeated cold exposure increases the number of dopamine receptors in the brain. These receptors play a vital role in dopamine signaling and are associated with improved mood regulation.
Cold Water Immersion and Dopamine Release: Cold water immersion has been found to trigger the release of dopamine in the brain. A study published in PLOS ONE showed that exposure to cold water caused a significant increase in dopamine levels in the striatum—a region of the brain involved in reward processing and motor control.

The Benefits of Dopamine Release: Dopamine release through cold water immersion offers a range of potential benefits. Increased dopamine levels may lead to improved mood, enhanced motivation, reduced stress, and increased focus and productivity. Moreover, dopamine has been associated with better cognitive function, including memory and learning capabilities.

Conclusion: Cold water immersion is a practice that has gained recognition for its potential physical and mental benefits. The release of dopamine triggered by cold water exposure may contribute to the improvement of mood, motivation, and overall well-being. While further research is necessary to fully understand the mechanisms behind this relationship, the existing evidence suggests that incorporating cold water immersion into your routine could be a refreshing way to boost your mental and physical health.

Disclaimer: Cold water immersion may not be suitable for everyone, particularly those with certain medical conditions. It is advisable to consult with a healthcare professional before engaging in any new wellness practices.

Remember, the content provided in this blog is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice.

cold water cold water immersion cold water therapy is cold water good for you?

50 things I wish my parents had told me

50 things I wish my parents had told me

You don’t know yet what you will know. So remain calm when you don’t know.
Doing nothing is not an option.
Your Truth matters above else, and others’opinions. Agree to disagree more.
Stop trying to be liked. Most people won’t like you regardless of what you do.
Your life is your life. Remove others expectations of it.
Making an apology is a gift. They work for you and not against you.
‘I don’t know’ are the three most underused words in the English language.
Silence is an acceptable answer.
You have one body. Don’t kill it with putting crap in it.
Calm is a superpower.
Time heals most things. It’s a medicine for pain.
You don’t have to understand others but you owe it to yourself and others you love to understand yourself.
Love yourself before anyone else.
Fools seek popularity.
A man comfortable on his own has the most powerful mind.
Solitude enables gratitude.
There are more people that would be grateful for your problems than want your possessions.
Vanity is the route of self loathing.
Greed is a poison. You can’t dilute it.
Love is hard to find but harder to give.
Integrity is what you do when nobody is watching.
A hashtag doesn’t make you a Buddha.
Your ego will make you ill.
and Secrets will make you sick.
Forgiveness is about setting yourself free, not letting others off the hook.
A strong man will not run from pain.
Make daily movement as habitual as making your bed and eating your breakfast.
You need to be responsible for your life. Nobody will save you from yourself.
Self sabotage is the Universe telling you you need words for your pain.
Tears are necessary.
Men need to cry more.
We all need to talk more and listen more than we talk.
Everything that grows starts in the dark.
Your best effort is more rewarding than your easiest win.
Nothing worthwhile comes easy.
Life is always essentially tragic but a joyous life is a choice.
One word can change a life, and destroy it.
Your guilt is God telling you he hasn’t forgotten you. Find him or your spiritual self.
The Universe knows best and will show you. Trust in that.
You are incredible. You forget that sometimes so always build others up.
You can change your life in an instant.
Don’t hide from something you really want. It will burn your soul to dust.
Failing is, like love, prone to be the worst and best times of your life.
Negative people have no place at your table.
Choose your tribe wisely and stop watering dead trees.
Some people don’t like you changing. They need you to be the same to justify themselves.
One day will be your last. No amount of wealth you accumulate can change that fact.
Time spent hating your work is time not worth having.
Don’t be addicted to anything apart from growth.
Be yourself. It’s all you start and end with.

#bluemind

50 things I wish my parents had told me best things my parents could have told me

How to make men happy

We know everyone is different, gender stereotyping is wrong and in any healthy relationship both partners should consider each others needs…..but here our our top 6 on understanding what makes men happier in, and out, of a relationship. We understand also that happiness and accountability starts with us. We don’t and should not seek someone to make us happy and men should strive to be able to look after themselves. We do however thrive with the right partner so here goes. How to make men happy.

1. Make us feel good about what we do well and not what we don’t do.

Let’s smash this one open. Praise him and make him feel good about himself. Rather than pick out things he can do better or needs to do differently first acknowledge his strengths. This is basic relationship building skills but yet many men feel undervalued and underappreciated so if you want higher performance and things to be done differently in your relationship build him up don’t tear him down. Excessive criticism, without positive feedback and support, is the number one reason a relationship will fail. So if you need something changing then start with gratitude and appreciation for what you do have. We all need positive affirmation and validation so start with the positives. Men will respond two fold if you make them feel valued and appreciated. We all do!

2. Tell him you need support and not solutions

Men will hear problems and try and fix them. So if you need more listening from him, tell him that first. He will try and step in and fix things. That’s what we do and it can be extremely frustrating, for both of you, not knowing you only want us to listen. So try opening communication with “‘Hey darling. Hope you are good. Can I grab you to talk at you for a while? Need to get something off my chest but I don’t need an answer right now”. Thanks” or “When we can make the time can I talk at you for a bit? Something is bothering me and I could do with you listening to me vent”

If you do need some practical advice, some ideas, or you need to discuss something to improve in your relationship SAY IT. Advise him you need solutions or feedback to the thing that is annoying or impacting you. Be clear on what you need, please.

3. Make time to talk and connect with each other

Again. Applies to both of you right? However, we feel men find it more challenging to communicate about feelings, generally speaking, but once we are in a safe space we have incredible depth and compassion. So the way to encourage a man to open up is to make him not feel judged and able to be vulnerable. Yes, we understand effort flows both ways and you need time to express and be heard but men need more time to step into this space and open up. Once they do they can express the same levels of vulnerability and insight as women generally do. Also in communication talk about what he wants, what he desires, his fears, his needs and sex, talk about sex, as it’s often something men feel they don’t think you want to talk about. If you adopt this language he will respond far better with caring for you. Again, it’s about making your partner feel valued and once he feels safe he will understand how to reciprocate. The general fact seems to be that men find emotional development tough so they need help to start the process of self awareness later in life than women do. Generally speaking….

4. Make space for him to be on his own

You both need space to avoid being co-dependent. Men, like women, need time out. We need time away from our partner to decompress, to adjust, to find ourselves, to spend time on our hobbies and to spend time with other people doing things you possibly can’t understand or fathom. We need to be creative, we need to move, we need to bond with other people. So ask him what he loves, where he finds peace and growth and encourage that. If he loves you he will gladly offer the same. Communicate what drives his spirit and where he finds purpose and help him pursue that even if you are not part of it. BUT, find common ground, common activities and hobbies. You need to grow together but not suffocate each other. Active communication again will make him and you feel understood that you are helping each other fulfil each other’s potential

5. Men are different. Let them be. Let them explore

Again we are generalizing. You don’t need to understand everything a man says or does. Sometimes we like doing random and what might seem stupid, things. We might want to build a portable stove or play darts with one eye blindfolded or do an Ironman and it’s utterly pointless and most things don’t work and seem illogical. You don’t know why we do pointless and childish stuff sometimes? Who cares? Neither do we. Let us act like children sometimes and be selfish and explore. Life is too serious. We all need to unwind and feel comfortable being silly. Let go of your mask, forget how things look and express yourselves. Test yourself. Open your mind to doing weird stuff and pushing boundaries. There is nothing more soul destroying than doing the same, repetitive day, day after day, after day…..life should be an adventure so harness that desire in men, and women.

6. Tell him what makes him attractive and buy him flowers

We all like to feel good about ourselves. Men love being told they look handsome. It will make him attentive, proud to be with you and feel masculine. And that’s good for all of you…..he is more likely to dress well, work out and smell good if he knows it’s appreciated. As for the flowers….we like surprises.

if you would like Ed or Mark to talk on any issues above or on men’s personal development then drop us a line !!!

Remember this is just our view. We don’t claim to be right and everyone has a different view, different needs and perspectives.

happy men how to make men happy my man isn't happy