We know everyone is different, gender stereotyping is wrong and in any healthy relationship both partners should consider each others needs…..but here our our top 6 on understanding what makes men happier in, and out, of a relationship. We understand also that happiness and accountability starts with us. We don’t and should not seek someone to make us happy and men should strive to be able to look after themselves. We do however thrive with the right partner so here goes. How to make men happy.
1. Make us feel good about what we do well and not what we don’t do.
Let’s smash this one open. Praise him and make him feel good about himself. Rather than pick out things he can do better or needs to do differently first acknowledge his strengths. This is basic relationship building skills but yet many men feel undervalued and underappreciated so if you want higher performance and things to be done differently in your relationship build him up don’t tear him down. Excessive criticism, without positive feedback and support, is the number one reason a relationship will fail. So if you need something changing then start with gratitude and appreciation for what you do have. We all need positive affirmation and validation so start with the positives. Men will respond two fold if you make them feel valued and appreciated. We all do!
2. Tell him you need support and not solutions
Men will hear problems and try and fix them. So if you need more listening from him, tell him that first. He will try and step in and fix things. That’s what we do and it can be extremely frustrating, for both of you, not knowing you only want us to listen. So try opening communication with “‘Hey darling. Hope you are good. Can I grab you to talk at you for a while? Need to get something off my chest but I don’t need an answer right now”. Thanks” or “When we can make the time can I talk at you for a bit? Something is bothering me and I could do with you listening to me vent”
If you do need some practical advice, some ideas, or you need to discuss something to improve in your relationship SAY IT. Advise him you need solutions or feedback to the thing that is annoying or impacting you. Be clear on what you need, please.
3. Make time to talk and connect with each other
Again. Applies to both of you right? However, we feel men find it more challenging to communicate about feelings, generally speaking, but once we are in a safe space we have incredible depth and compassion. So the way to encourage a man to open up is to make him not feel judged and able to be vulnerable. Yes, we understand effort flows both ways and you need time to express and be heard but men need more time to step into this space and open up. Once they do they can express the same levels of vulnerability and insight as women generally do. Also in communication talk about what he wants, what he desires, his fears, his needs and sex, talk about sex, as it’s often something men feel they don’t think you want to talk about. If you adopt this language he will respond far better with caring for you. Again, it’s about making your partner feel valued and once he feels safe he will understand how to reciprocate. The general fact seems to be that men find emotional development tough so they need help to start the process of self awareness later in life than women do. Generally speaking….
4. Make space for him to be on his own
You both need space to avoid being co-dependent. Men, like women, need time out. We need time away from our partner to decompress, to adjust, to find ourselves, to spend time on our hobbies and to spend time with other people doing things you possibly can’t understand or fathom. We need to be creative, we need to move, we need to bond with other people. So ask him what he loves, where he finds peace and growth and encourage that. If he loves you he will gladly offer the same. Communicate what drives his spirit and where he finds purpose and help him pursue that even if you are not part of it. BUT, find common ground, common activities and hobbies. You need to grow together but not suffocate each other. Active communication again will make him and you feel understood that you are helping each other fulfil each other’s potential
5. Men are different. Let them be. Let them explore
Again we are generalizing. You don’t need to understand everything a man says or does. Sometimes we like doing random and what might seem stupid, things. We might want to build a portable stove or play darts with one eye blindfolded or do an Ironman and it’s utterly pointless and most things don’t work and seem illogical. You don’t know why we do pointless and childish stuff sometimes? Who cares? Neither do we. Let us act like children sometimes and be selfish and explore. Life is too serious. We all need to unwind and feel comfortable being silly. Let go of your mask, forget how things look and express yourselves. Test yourself. Open your mind to doing weird stuff and pushing boundaries. There is nothing more soul destroying than doing the same, repetitive day, day after day, after day…..life should be an adventure so harness that desire in men, and women.
6. Tell him what makes him attractive and buy him flowers
We all like to feel good about ourselves. Men love being told they look handsome. It will make him attentive, proud to be with you and feel masculine. And that’s good for all of you…..he is more likely to dress well, work out and smell good if he knows it’s appreciated. As for the flowers….we like surprises.
if you would like Ed or Mark to talk on any issues above or on men’s personal development then drop us a line !!!
Remember this is just our view. We don’t claim to be right and everyone has a different view, different needs and perspectives.