How do build trust in a relationship if one partner has cheated
Rebuilding trust in a relationship after infidelity can be a traumatic, challenging and complex process. Most people’s default is to throw the towel in. It requires commitment, effort, and open communication from both partners to move through infidelity. What is often difficult is understanding that there are two sides to the issue, and despite contrary opinion, people who are unfaithful probably are unhappy in your relationship or with themselves and whilst it’s absolutely the wrong way forward to ever use it as an excuse, and very rarely is it, there are usually reasons people are self sabotaging and being unfaithful is one of those ways.
It is entirely valid to end a relationship because of it, but, at least consider the full picture before you decide. Have you ever considered being unfaithful? Is it because your relationship has failed? Is your behaviour partly responsible for your partner feeling they need attention elsewhere? Would it have been better for them just to end it? All valid question which few people honestly address. If you do decide to give it another go…………..
Here are some steps that can help in building trust again
- Take responsibility: The partner who cheated must take full responsibility for their actions and show genuine remorse. They need to acknowledge the pain they caused and be willing to make amends. This will probably also mean that individual getting solo therapy and examining why they decided to cheat when they should have communicated or indeed what’s driving then to seek attention elsewhere. Is it self sabotaging the relationship? Do they have insecurity issues? Why didn’t they just end the relationship? Are they arrogant and egotistical? Is this a pattern? Maybe they were bored and trapped and saw this as a bit of a distraction? None of this excuses it. Ultimately it’s probably not a reflection of you or the relationship but issues they have with themselves. They need to embrace change and do some work with or without you (if they want a committed relationship)
- Open and honest communication: Both partners need to engage in open, honest, and non-defensive communication. The betrayed partner should be allowed to express their emotions, ask questions, and seek reassurance. The cheating partner should be transparent and willing to answer honestly.
- Seek professional help: Consider seeking the assistance of a couples therapist or counselor who specializes in infidelity. A professional can guide both partners through the healing process, provide tools for communication, and help navigate difficult emotions
- Establish boundaries and agreements: Rebuilding trust often involves setting clear boundaries and agreements for the future. These boundaries should be mutually agreed upon and help both partners feel secure. The cheating partner should be willing to be accountable and respectful of these boundaries.
- Allow time for healing: Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. Both partners need to understand that healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s essential to be patient, supportive, and give each other the necessary space to heal and rebuild the relationship.
- Consistency and reliability: The partner who cheated needs to demonstrate consistency in their words and actions. They must follow through on their promises, be reliable, and rebuild trust gradually over time. Consistency is key in showing the betrayed partner that they can rely on their partner again
- Forgiveness and letting go: Forgiveness is a personal choice and may take time. The betrayed partner should be allowed to process their emotions and work towards forgiveness at their own pace. The cheating partner should be patient and understanding during this process
- Rebuilding intimacy: Rebuilding trust also involves reestablishing emotional and physical intimacy. Both partners need to work on rebuilding their connection and intimacy through shared activities, quality time, and affection.
Remember, rebuilding trust is a joint effort, and both partners need to be committed to the process. It’s crucial to assess whether both partners are willing to invest in the necessary work to rebuild the relationship and whether it’s a healthy choice for both individuals involved. It may be best to call it a day, and the might have been the reality before the cheating anyhows.