Change your thinking with Neuroplasticity, NLP, and CBT

It’s about the science

Breakups can be tough. Losing your job can be tough. Life can be tough. They often leave us feeling lost, hurt, and uncertain about the future. But amidst the emotional turmoil, there’s an opportunity for profound personal growth and reinvention. By leveraging the principles of neuroplasticity, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can not only recover but thrive post-trauma. Here’s how.

Understanding Neuroplasticity: Rewiring Your Brain

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. This means that even after a painful breakup, your brain has the capacity to heal and adapt. You literally can become your thoughts. we would recommend a book called Your Mental Mess by Dr Caroline Leaf which gives practical advise on how to rewire your brain in 5 steps over 2 months.

Essentially your emotions produce chemicals (like cortisal) which is the human flight or fight response to protect yourself and the brain will pull on previous memories related to the emotion (i.e betrayal, abandonment, jealousy etc) so when the body and mind is emotional you will reinforce thinking around situations and people which are not necessarily related to the current circumstances or individuals. This also impacts cognitive dissonance where you feel something from the past memory but it no longer aligns to who you really are now and can cause disruptive emotions. The key is to take yourself out of your emotional state, think on situations rationally and reframe them in your mind consciously and proactively.

Here are some strategies to harness the power of neuroplasticity:

Engage in New Activities

    • Learn Something New: Pick up a new hobby, learn a language, or start a new sport. This stimulates your brain to form new connections and shift focus away from the past. Generally, you won’t dwell on the past if you are looking to the future.

    • Physical Exercise: Regular physical activity increases the production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein that supports neuron growth and function. Seems common sense but did you know exercise actually grows your brain to be a new you. Not to mention pumping your body full of dopamine, detoxification agents and seratonin. Same with saunas and cold water. It will make you feel good, literally, via chemicals.

    • Make time for positive thinking : Change your mindset by changing who and how you talk about things and yourself. Think about how you want your life to be next time when you are not sad, angry or feeling hurt. The reality is depression is enhanced by ruminating on the past so work in the solution space. Build for the future.

Mindfulness and Meditation

    • Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness and meditation helps in reducing stress and promotes emotional regulation by encouraging you to focus on the present moment and learn to be comfortable with your thoughts – it’s not easy to sit with your own mind – studies showed that people would rather apply an electric shock to themselves than sit on their own for 15 minutes with no distractions. Much of human behaviour is born with not being comfortable being on your own – so learn to do this. Start with walking on your own. Then move to daily sitting in silence for 15 minutes.

    • Gratitude Journaling: Writing down things you’re grateful for can rewire your brain to focus on positive experiences and emotions.

    • Learn to not be constantly distracted : This enables uncomfortable feelings to surface so YES spend time on your own to grow away from constant pleasure seeking and distractions

Harnessing NLP: Changing Thought Patterns

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a psychological approach that involves analyzing and modifying how you think, behave, and communicate. Here’s how NLP can help you thrive :

Reframe Negative Thoughts

    • Positive Reframes: Whenever a negative thought about the breakup arises, consciously reframe it into something positive. For example, instead of thinking, “I’ll never find love again,” reframe it to, “This is an opportunity to find someone who truly matches my values and goals.”

Anchoring Positive States

    • Create Positive Anchors: Use specific physical actions (like touching your thumb and forefinger together) when you’re feeling happy or confident. Later, use this anchor to evoke those positive states when you’re feeling down.

Visualization Techniques

    • Future Pacing: Visualize a positive future where you have moved past the breakup and are thriving. This technique helps in setting a mental blueprint for your brain to follow.

Applying CBT: Challenging and Changing Beliefs

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a well-established method for changing unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors. Here’s how to apply CBT techniques post-breakup:

Identify and Challenge Cognitive Distortions

    • Spot Distortions: Be aware of common cognitive distortions such as all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, and catastrophizing.

    • Challenge Them: When you notice these distortions, challenge them by asking yourself questions like, “Is this thought really true?” and “What evidence do I have to support this thought?”

Behavioral Activation

    • Stay Active: Engage in activities that you used to enjoy or find new ones that interest you. This not only distracts from negative thoughts but also boosts your mood.

Set Realistic Goals

    • Short-Term Goals: Set achievable short-term goals that can provide a sense of accomplishment. This could be anything from exercising three times a week to completing a project at work.

    • Long-Term Goals: Think about where you want to be in a year or five years. Break these long-term goals into smaller, manageable steps.

Reinvesting in Yourself

Physical Health

    • Nutrition: Eat a balanced diet to support overall well-being.

    • Sleep: Ensure you’re getting enough quality sleep to help your body and mind recover.

Emotional Health

    • Therapy and Counseling: Consider talking to a therapist who can guide you through your emotions and help you develop coping strategies.

    • Support Networks: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can provide comfort and perspective.

Personal Growth

    • Continuous Learning: Invest time in learning new skills, reading books, or taking courses that interest you.

    • Set New Personal Goals: Whether it’s traveling, advancing in your career, or developing a new talent, setting goals can give you a sense of direction and purpose.

Conclusion

A breakup, while painful, is also a chance to reinvent yourself and grow. By understanding and applying the principles of neuroplasticity, NLP, and CBT, you can reshape your thoughts, behaviors, and ultimately, your life. Focus on new activities, challenge negative thoughts, and set achievable goals. Remember, this is not just about surviving a breakup—it’s about thriving and becoming the best version of yoursel